I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
