pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
