Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
