oh god the rape fog is back!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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