I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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