I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
