Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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