are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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