I CAN MOONWALK!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So many bounce houses so little time
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
