my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
