I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
