Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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