I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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