he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
