I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
