never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
