Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
