.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
