So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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