Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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