so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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