the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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