He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
