I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
