I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
