I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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