Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
