...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
