I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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