do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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