they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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