she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
