I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
