Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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