Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize