I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she peed on how many people?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Holy shit dude........stairs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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