Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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