Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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