This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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