I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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