There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i've created a new STD.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
