Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
