She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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