my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
