I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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