and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
