I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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