i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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