Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
