Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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