so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
