How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
