I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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