i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
