sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
