Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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