I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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