lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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