genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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