Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
