i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
