i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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