I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
