Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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