My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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