im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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