i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
