Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
