We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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