I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's never too late to be topless.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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