Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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