I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
