I think I died a long time ago.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize