The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
