well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
